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note for marxist leninist maoist castroist chavist china stans etc.: we are not your comrades, your cops kill our folk like all cops, your cops are bastards too and the people's revolutionary reeducation camp burns just as well as any other jail :blobCatBloc:

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what's a travesti? isn't that the same as crossdresser? 

travesti is a Latina transfeminine culture. it is a depreciative term of medicalization, reclaimed as an identity. historically travestis have often presented themselves as a feminine third gender, "neither woman nor man but a travesti godess". with the advent of the gringo trans movement, most now consider themselves to be trans women as well as travestis, which is my case. to paraphrase travesti academic Ana Flor, the travesti identity is not simply a gender identity but a political one; to identify as travesti is to recognise how this particular, localised, highly marginalised street culture shaped our gender expression and self-understanding.

travesti culture has a long history of DIY hormones and street surgeries too, though that's not what makes it an identity. many travestis are, like me, very positive and very sexual about their genitals, and this has been used as "the difference between travestis and trans women" (I think the porn industry still does that, for example). sometimes I see travestis who use the term as "non-genitally-dysphoric trans woman", but most don't, and a lot of travestis opt for a vaginoplasty as soon as they can afford it and who cares what are you a cop?

there's always been a degree of fluidity between male feminine gay boys, crossdressing fetishists, and trans women (in the case of the USA queer history, cf. Sylvia Rivera and the history of the 'T' in S.T.A.R.). in the case of travestis, this fluidity is embraced rather than rigidly legislated; travesti singer Linn da Quebrada identifies as "neither woman nor man, but a fem 'trava'", then as "woman, woman, woman, woman, woman" in the space of 1 minute in a single song—then as "Black favela faggot" in a different song. (and she's lesbian.) despite this relaxed attitude with self-definitions, travesti identity isn't reducible to androsexual effeminacy or the erotic thrill of breaking gender taboos; it's just that almost all of us have been there, and many retain a fondness for it. we don't come from a culture that care so much about policing the boundaries of words (for Flor, the undefinedness of "travesti" is the point).

(photos have captions)

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in lieu of a reintroduction, just the content notes:

- I make lots of vulgar sex/kink jokes and they're not always CW'd
- earnest sexual content is CW'd
- I talk positively about drugs, crime, sugar, sluttery, and girldick
- I'm vegan, stop @'ing me dead animals or stolen milk

and a few magickal amulets to ward off boring ppl:

- you don't need dysphoria to be trans

- dysphoria is real

- non-dysphoric people should have the option of medical transition too, for free

- sex work is work

- non-binary femboy bisexual lesbians are valid

- all cops are bastards, including the People's Communist Revolutionary Cops

- primitivism = ableism = ecofash = fash

- I'm religious

- abolish the family

- yes travestis are not crossdressing fetishists, but crossdressing fetishists are good actually

- public-space cruising was the best thing the gay rights movement achieved, and those of us who are built for that should be proud to honour our ancestors

- things that are wonderful: genders, makeup, fashion, whatever pop music that's trending right now, selfies, furries, horoscope, loud dance clubs, identity politics, pumpkin spice soy lattes

- things that are terrible: linux, open source, meritocracy

- free markets are not just evil but also inefficient and nonsensical

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hi I'm vegan! please don't send me photos of animals being killed or food or products made of killed animals, or by exploiting animals! please don't send me messages about cooking the bodies of animals or methods to kill insects! these are things that make me very sad for the rest of the day! thank you!

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I've uploaded a bunch of recipes and blog posts to gemini://transmom.love ! Most of it was posted here, I think. "What’s the point of herbal HRT?" is new, along with the writeup on pueraria.

I recommend a gemini browser to browse the geminispace! The geminispace is so much more chill than the web! But if you want to use a web browser, I set up a web mirror on gemini.transmom.love 🌻

I once set up my system for cross-compiling for the raspi, and I forgot where.

now my shell has ARCH, CROSS_COMPILE and stuff set and I can't figure out why. it's not in the fish directory, it's not even in the bash stuff, not in ~/.profile either, nothing in /etc. i'm reduced to ripgrep'ing my home looking for clues

hackers in movies: hi this is Maria I lost my password, could you help me reset it? the boss ähm mister Ludwig said it is ok

sysadmins in movies: sure thing, there you go

me: haha look at these terrible sysadmins

presumably my coworkers irl, on compromisable IM platforms without e2e encryption: hi this is Maria could you give me access to all of the sales files, the boss Ludwig said it is ok

me: say no more fam, there you go

business people are so funny like they will literally spend years in university to major in the most made up thing ever and then go "i am the scrum wizard of the epic tower and i am going to introduce the waterscrumfall to maximize the monthly net revenue"

it's probably been obvious to everyone but just now has it dawned on me that herding little critters in the soil and understanding how they behave and this complex emergent web of interactions add nudging them to play along with one another—change "microbes and bugs" to "daemons" and I'm describing my job.

in either case the task of puzzle-solving exerts the same kind of hypnotic trance compulsion on me

randomly working 10h every day because I want this gosh dang thing to woorkkk

ansible setup fails, because
freeipa-client module can't install, because
it actually can but the test fails, because
it relies on hostnamectl, who hangs, because
systemd doesn't care, because
there's been a bug for many years where hostnamectl requires PrivateNetwork, which is bad because
PrivateNetwork will fail in certain virtual machines.

don't you love my job

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Linux Networking File System 

# Server returns “no such file or directory” and client is new

Path specification changed in NFSv4. If on the server you export a directory on /export/serverdir, the v3 fstab looks like server.example.com:/export/serverdir .

In NFSv4, one directory must be the root filesystem and parent of all others. It will be identified by fsid=0 or fsid=root. The client mounts are all virtual paths relative to the NFS-root, hiding the physical path on the server. So if /export/serverdir is the fsid=0, the v4 fstab will look like server.example.com:/ . This is very much not clear in the docs, nor is the change in behaviour well-known, and failure modes are opaque.

# I tried to do that in my NFSv4 client and it fails, but /export/serverdir works

NFS silently fails and negotiates lower versions behind your back. You might have mounted vers=3 by accident; check the output of mount|grep nfs.

# I tried mounting filesystem type nfs4 but it’s still mounting version 3

Filesystem type nfs4 doesn’t guarantee the protocol version. Try vers=4 instead (or vers=4.1, 4.2 etc.). nfsvers= is a synonym.

# I can mount a share in the vers=4 way, but not a subdir

Make sure there’s no fsid conflicts between the root and the subdir. Remember that fsid=0 will be the virtual root for everything; if you have more than one fsid=0 export, the first matching one will catch. Also consider the effects of subtree_check if you have it (see exports(5)).

On batch systems it might be more resilient to just mount the outer share somewhere, then bind-mount the directory you want to your target location.

# I can mount in the vers=3 way only; vers=4 gives me authorization denied

Consider everything said above about fsid=0, order of exports, multiple matching and subtree checks; it's probably related to the path mangling.

# I can mount my share but I have problems using locks, and I’m using version 3

You need RPC daemons running on the client, and ports open for communication with the daemons. You can test if it’s working by doing:

flock .test.lock echo ,

with the file .test.lock inside the NFS.

# I can mount my share but I have problems using locks, and I’m using version 4

You might have inadvertently mounted version 3; see above.

# My own code uses locks and it fails only on vers=4

Make sure you have the files you want to lock open for writng.

plantgirl timeline 

T=Aug

- apocalypse is increasing food costs. my family lives with me now, so it's compounded. next year the impacts of the war might make it worse. I grow plants. grandma cut on her food bills by growing vegetables. :blobcatmaths:

- "no no you see, the decomposition sequestering nitrogen thing is a myth that's not a concern when things live in there, the real problem is anaerobic bacteria but since our system is based on worm compost it will be lacking in soil fungi and the fungi love wood so decomposing wood should do great, and maybe that's why your forest plants are doing so well forests are like 7000:700µg so don't change it keep the wood there, maybe we could do a protozoa wash tho...?"

- btw Elilla's Trademark German Potting Mix for Germany™️ was designed for costs plus lower environmental impact (grit + plant/worm compost + pine wood bark, occasionally Seramis clay pellets for certain toppings; all locally sourced). it turns out to be a great complement to worm tea biological gardening, due to the wood thing. and if you consider worm compost is the only one you can do in an apartment...

- at this point any flower in my balcony gets fucked out of her mind in a matter of days. a tiny cornflower stalk pops up, the bees breed her the moment she opens, she timidly prepares a couple more buds, within three days they're with seed. I experimentally put a cut poppy bud on a glass with water outside. she opened up and promptly got herself bred to seedpod.

- successfully controlled mosquito larvae in the micropond with nematodes and carnivorous plants. literally all the water plants are thriving in the styrofoam box, improbably. endangered little black bees come kiss the forget-me-nots.

- "hypothetically speaking would it be possible for you to sneak some soil samples into your lab to examine in good microscopes and tell me what you see?"

- "sorry for being away all weekend, hot gay queers on my bed, I was woodworking all weekend til late night. need more supports. for p l a n t s"

- sleepy enby lying next to me right now sleepily mutters, "are you blogging about plants?"

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plantgirl timeline 

T=November 2021: oh so planting milkweed on gardens had that much impact on monarch butterflies? maybe I should finally try my hand at bee flowers

T=December 2021: oh funny I didn't realise so many native flowers that insects need are also just like, kitchen herbs. and hey, most of these are medicinal aren't they? there's the milk thistle that helped with my boobs, huh nettles tincture is a 5a-reductase inhibitor? wait a minute nettles, harebell foxglove yarrow sage I know this, these are witchy herbs——

T=January:

- a fungus gnat! yay first insect, they're cute

- oh so when you buy a pot you're supposed to repot? wait wait even in a bright window indoors is *how much* darker??

T=February: surely it's too early to have bees but I'll put some crocuses and stuff to get used to it, hey whoa bumblebees calm down these muscarias are still on my hands!! wait a sec that one in the wall is that a *queen*?? I have barely placed down like 7 store-bough flowerpots and you already want to move in with me, honeybees too wait that one is that an Osmia cornuta? is that *nesting behaviour female* horny wallbees?? I don't have bee houses yet whoa you're desperate aah 😵‍💫

- 🦆🦆🔎 control fungus gnats humanely without hurting them

- "if I keep worms they will turn my food scraps into compost and they'll be happy and I'll save money!"

- bye Mary the rosemary, fell to overwatering

T=Mar:

- "ok the statistical record does validate the Frost Saints, so 8 weeks before last frost :thounking: .... 21 Mar?"
- Ostara spring equinox fertility orgy
- try my own seedling mix, instinctively rejecting all approaches involving sterile media or nonrenewable materials.

- "no no *don't* throw onions in there, the babies don't like that!! no citrus no fatty sugary things either, no white starch obviously, are you crazy potatoes are *poisonous*! here wormie darlings mommy is going to rot some organic bananas for you, do you need a bigger house? I'll cut the banana in little pieces, want some coffee grounds? who's mommy's lewd little addicts who get crazy high on coffee?? yesyouare :blobcat_hearteyes: :blobcat_hearteyes: :blobcat_hearteyes: "
- omg larger pots take longer to dry!!! too wet = anaerobic microbes = rot = fungi = fungus gnats 🤯🤯🤯

- "why are *you* asking *me* orchid tips?? I'm not a plantgirl I started this now, you have years of experience! in any case here's what I think it's going on,", proceeds to dump 10k words abt her orchids

- first time undeniably non-placeboly curing someone of something with my growing herbalism skills

T=Apr:

- Elilla's Patented Seedling Approach™️* a big success. all seedlings sprout and thrive, no problem with mold or anything
- Elilla's Patented Gentle Fungus Gnat Chill Tf Out Method™️* a big success
* nothing patented and I spammed the heck out of it everywhere

- balcony has few flowers, all bought as adult plants, but is abuzz with bees all the time. I'm obviously overengineering it but it really takes like. cos like they're all dying and need help so badly hahaha :blobAboutToCry:

T=May:

- last frost last frost last frost!!! hype
- but then: personal problems. dark emotional period, first burnout.
- it gets unseasonably cold, I fail to account water takes longer to dry. all indoor kitchen herbs die before transplantation

- balcony abandoned, surviving but the powerhorses getting spent, pots are getting empty, some are colonised by fucking lawn

- all seedlings die out of overwatering, failure to repot in time

- RIP Chibimary #3, last remaining survival cutting of Mother Mary

- fern baby is exceptionally happy with south shiny window + anxious overwater overcaring mom tho, bursts like an explosion

T=Jun

- kind of actually happy to have gone through this bad phase, it shows that it's longer than the adhd hyperfocus. (tho that's like 2 weeks tops so I shouldn't be surprised). get back into wild gardening

- just in time for Polish enby to come attracted by my anarchoqueer flag, like a bee to my flowers. I managed to get this one to nest with me. they turn out to share the same gardening interests and sensibilities so balcony starts thriving more than ever

T=Jul

- "yes that's an aphid. was. on gingerspider's pawsies." never saw another aphid
- funnelwebs, gingers, jumpers of several species, centipedes all reside in my balcony. lost count of how many bee species we've seen.
- I'm lamenting soil prices. someone remarks in a toot reply that soil as a living thing works so much better. I start looking it up, hm "rhizosphere" what's this...? oh they make "cakes and candies" for tiny soil beings? oh wait mineral fertiliser kills *all* this, this whole system...?

also wrote a 1-command script to set up a new VM in our ancient libvirt-lxc system for no other reason than the repetitiveness of this task offended me esthetically. thing is overengineered to heck ofc

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today in elilla: working literally 13h straight without any pressure, just cos I got carried away with ansible

html: img
me: (look away for a second)
html: img figure
me: :thounking:
me: take a lil nap
html: img figure imgset picture <video autoplay loop muted playsinline><source src="video.webm" type="video/webm" /><source src="video.mp4" type="video/mp4" /></video>
me: :surprised_pikachu:

turns out everything I need in life can be had from Korean nature

sex talk 

mommydomming + wake-up sex is such a great combination :chick_coffee:

my feed at transition year 1: whoa dang I surely have boobs :o

my feed at transition year 4: whoa dang I surely have boobs :o

obligatory gratuitous sexualised selfie 

and here's a photo of how the tips ended up

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plural things 

E: let's theme our nextcloud
E: yay this looks awesome :3
(opens another tab and it's on R's firefox container accidentaly)
R: (logs in) uff that's a lot of pink

"welp Sunday morning, time to shower all my epiphytes."
"aw come on, it's an orchid or two we don't have that many epiphy—'

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transmom.love

Personal server for trans moms <3